


Dullahan

by ComeAsYouAre



Category: Elder Scrolls, Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: Crack, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-12
Updated: 2014-12-12
Packaged: 2018-03-18 13:01:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3570590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ComeAsYouAre/pseuds/ComeAsYouAre
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Isran almost makes sense in spite of being wrong. Not that the Dragonborn cares</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dullahan

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for the Skyrim Kink Meme
> 
> Prompt: http://skyrimkinkmeme.livejournal.com/4941.html?thread=10302541#t10302541  
> Story: http://skyrimkinkmeme.livejournal.com/4941.html?thread=10603853#t10603853
> 
> Standard Disclaimers Apply

Serana was startled by an alarmed shout.

“Please, wait!”

Celann’s frantic, booted feet, chased after the slapping of uncovered, wet ones on stone, the latter pair’s owner nowhere in sight. The Daughter of Coldharbour saw him harriedly chasing the splattered trail with a sheet. The vampire had a fairly good idea of what he was trying to do... and there was only one person brazen enough to go storming through a fort in naught but their own skin.

Serana called after him, “Celann, what happened?”

“Isran may have said a few things after you got back!” He barely turned to face her in his attempt to chase down the Dawnguard’s fiery star recruit.

The vampire sighed and joined the pursuit. She could see where _this_ was going… “I take it he didn’t like what happened.”

“Indeed,” came the Dragonborn’s disembodied voice, “Sorine was kind enough to deliver my report so I could freshen up. I was partway through my bath when Durak chose to inform me of _someone’s_ blockheaded reaction.” Grumbling she added, “Not that the stubborn orc’s opinion was much better, but HE at least will listen to reason...”

A strangled noise came from the Breton vampire hunter. “If you had time enough to reason with him, you had time enough to dress! Couldn’t you have thrown a robe or _something_ on, at least?” He waved the sheet experimentally at the space in front of him, but did not catch the Dragonborn. 

“What? I’m invisible, aren’t I?” She snapped.

Serana made a face, “Yes, but spells wear off eventually.”

“Either Isran accepts it or he doesn’t, and I’m sure he’s already made up his mind. This should be quick.”

Serana shared a looked with Celann. The man sighed, “And if he disagrees?” 

The Dragonborn snorted, “You know he does.”

“Then is this really necessary?” He asked helplessly.

“If I want to give him a piece of my mind: yes.”

The vampire hunter turned to Serana, a pleading look on his face. The vampire simply shrugged in response, not bothering to hide her trepidation.

It wasn’t long before the trio found themselves in the mess hall, where everyone had gathered for the evening meal. Isran was brooding by the hearth, but the Dragonborn took no notice of his foul mood.

“ISRAN...!!!”

The Redguard’s lips curled into a snarl. _“You!”_

“Yes, ME, you insufferable man!”

“Speak for yourself,” he spat. “I’m not the traitor!”

“Says the man who left the Vigilants to die!”

A deathly silence descended on the Dawnguard as Isran’s face twisted in fury. 

Celann's shock was quickly overrided by his anger. “That’s not fair!”

The Dragonborn dismissed him. “Neither is he!”

Serana chose to hazard the anger of the assembly, to placate her friend,“I know this is difficult, but please…”

“No, Serana.” The Dragonborn lowered her voice, but she couldn’t keep a dangerous edge out of it. “Do NOT give the man who wanted you dead without cause a place to hide behind.”

Isran bristled. “As if I would ever hide behind a monster!”

_“Really,_ Isran? _She’s_ the monster?”

“As are you! I thought you knew better than to become one of _them!”_

“I made a decision for the greater good, you imbecile!”

“You didn’t have to become a monster for the greater good!”

The Dragonborn’s mirthless laughter gave everyone pause. If the atmosphere was dangerous before, it was positively lethal, now. “Really, Isran? You honestly believe that I _wasn’t_ a monster _before?”_

Isran was adamant. “You were human, before.”

“Are you daft?” Serana watched Celann worry his lip as he looked to her again. “Did you actually hear what I said when I signed on? Or did you hear, and decide to let what you believed to be a _raving lunatic_ into your ranks?”

“You _are_ strange,” Isran deadpanned, “but very competent.”

The Dragonborn stared at him incredulously. “You’d honestly prefer to take your chances with a _murderous madman_ than deal with a _perfectly reasonable_ vampire?”

Isran merely glowered in response. It didn’t deter the Dragonborn’s rapidly escalating diatribe.

“Amazing. Just when I thought I’d seen it all… You really didn’t think twice when I told you I was man in a previous life? A _Chimer_ male, to be exact?”

Isran shrugged, “Some people believe in reincarnation.”

“The reincarnation of the Nerevarine?!”

“Delusions of grandeur are not uncommon.”

The Dragonborn scoffed but continued, “Alright, what about my sordid, doomed affair with the last Septim?”

“Given his status in history, it’s not a stretch to believe that people may have fever dreams about him.”

“That was two hundred years ago!”

The Redguard crossed his arms over his chest. “My point still stands.”

“Well, then how do you explain my being a Daedric Prince?”

“A very self-deprecating bit of humour.”

“I summon Golden Saints and Dark Seducers!” She cried out.

Isran was impassive. “You’re a very talented conjurer.”

“You’re impossible! And that’s coming from _me!”_

“Impossibly patient, perhaps. You’re crazy, but you’re competent- effective. Your decision to become a vampire is disappointing at best. I guess I shouldn’t have expected better from someone who willingly spends so much time with that vile-”

_**Wuld Nah Kest** _

No one had any time to react to the sudden burst of unseen energy that blew over the tables, and hoisted Isran a foot into the air before pinning him to the wall.

“Go ahead. _Finish_ that sentence and see what happens. I _dare_ you…”

Serana saw the telltale shimmer of magic coming undone. “Your spell…!”

Too little, too late. The entirety of the Dawnguard got a good look at the Dragonborn’s lithe form as she menaced their leader. It might have been a very _interesting_ situation if it wasn’t for one particular detail.

It was Agmaer who regained his voice first. “Where is your head?”

“Gods’ teeth!”

Everyone turned to see Celann tentatively holding the Dragonborn’s head with the sheet he’d intended to guard her modesty with. Serana simply stood there looking decidedly defeated. Even while awkwardly cradled in Celann’s hands, the Dragonborn still managed to look perfectly disdainful.

“What? I _told_ you idiots I wasn’t normal!”

“Well, we already knew that.” A dozen heads turned to stare at Isran. A task complicated by the presence of the Dragonborn’s rather shapely backside.

“Are you seriously more put off by the vampirism, than my being _headless?!”_

“Who wouldn’t be?”

No one knew quite at who or where to look, as their leader and the Dragonborn tried to stare each other down.

“You know what? To Oblivion with this! Cheese. Chickens and cheese for everyone!” A shower of exactly those things began to rain out of nowhere, and threatened to drown them all.

Serana muttered something under her breath as she grabbed Celann’s arm and dragged him out of the dining area. He barely managed to hold on to the Dragonborn’s head. Though he nearly dropped - it? her? he didn’t know anymore - at her next words.

“Damn and dash it all, I’m going to need another bath after being naked and pressed up against Isran…”


End file.
